With so many ways to connect with others, it may seem unusual that many of us have periods when we feel lonely and socially isolated. Social isolation occurs when individuals lack real social engagement and quality relationships with others. We can feel lonely even if we are physically present with others, especially if we interact with our technology and not each other. Researchers have known for decades that social isolation can be actual or perceived and is associated with numerous detrimental health conditions. Neurobiological evidence demonstrates that loneliness and social isolation are linked to stress responses, increased blood pressure, and reduced immune response to infection.
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We also know that we are social beings. The brain’s reward system has evolved to reinforce social connections. It’s not likely that short-term periods of isolation will have a long-term impact on those who are otherwise socially engaged. For those already feeling a little isolated, like elderly family members, social isolation can be especially damaging.
Ways to Stay Emotionally Connected
During the pandemic, many of my friends said they were much more intentional about reaching out to family members and those who could benefit from our attention. With the Fall season ahead, it might be a good time to dust off some of the things we did during the pandemic to ensure that we include those who might be feeling lonely and disconnected from others. Here are a few ideas to consider as you make your Fall plans.
Create a List. Begin by considering those who might be feeling isolated or alone. For example, this might be an elderly family member or friend, or someone regardless of age who is living alone, or people who do not have family nearby.
Consider the Best Way to Reach Out. Consider what you know about this person. Are they tech-savvy? Do you think they would welcome a phone call or even a FaceTime? Or would they enjoy spending some quality time together such as including them in some of your family’s activities?
Frequency and Time. Approaching the person in the wrong way may make the other person feel uncomfortable or anxious. Creating a personalized outreach based on what you know about the other person will be more meaningful than creating a plan based on your needs and schedule.
Engage in Quality Conversation. As you reach out, try to engage in a "real" conversation with empathy and concern. Allow the other person to lead the conversation based on what is important to them. Try to guide the conversation positively and naturally so as not to make the other person feel you are just going through the motion of making contact.
Storytelling. Storytelling is a great way to build and enhance the emotional connection. As you consider how you can engage in meaningful conversation, you might want to share a story from today, the past, or the future. It might even mean asking them to share stories from their past even if you have heard them many times before.
Today. Think about your day and share something that might help the other person feel like they are part of your life. This could be something funny that happened, news from a fellow friend or family member, or even what you had for dinner. Sharing these types of stories helps us remember that large portions of our lives continue to go on. Talking about normal everyday activities in abnormal times helps us feel calm and less anxious.
Past. You might talk about a previous experience such as a wedding, a social gathering, or maybe a vacation. It might even be a story about how one or both of you overcame a difficult situation.
Future. Having something to look forward to has been shown to have a positive impact on our emotional well-being. It doesn't have to be something big. It could be a plan to go out to dinner or an upcoming trip.
Virtual Gatherings. You may consider gathering virtually to share an "adult beverage" and talk about the previous week. And laugh a lot, of course!
Go outside. How about thinking about how you can do things outside? Taking a walk or a bike ride is an excellent way to bond, and get some physical exercise. You get fresh air and a little sunshine, which can have an incredible impact on your mood.
If you are feeling a little isolated yourself, one way to boost your own spirit is to reach out to another person. You might find that they have been feeling the same way.