Most of us think of mindfulness as an individual experience. However, researchers have recently begun to explore a concept called social mindfulness. This concept expands the notion of mindfulness to include an awareness of how our actions and decisions impact others' decisions and available choices. For example, let's consider a resolution to avoid taking the last peanut butter cookie from a plate otherwise full of chocolate chip cookies. This decision allows others to choose either type of cookie. Conversely, if we had selected the last peanut butter cookie, we would have limited others' choices.
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Being socially mindful is more than being polite. It's also more than just being aware of others. It is being aware that our decisions may limit or eliminate choices for others. It refers to our focus on making decisions that recognize our shared humanity and interdependence. It is easy to see how this type of focus is especially critical today. The choices we make for ourselves can have life-or-death consequences for others.
How to Build Your Social Mindfulness IQ
Tune into your attention. If you are like most people, when you take a moment to consider where your attention is focused, you are likely to find that it is focused inward. When you do this, you will likely be tuned in to the running dialogue of thoughts inside your head.
Shift your attention outward. Once you understand where your attention is focused, you can shift your focus outward. To do this, first, pause your internal dialogue by taking a few slow and even breaths. This pause will help you refocus your attention to take in your environment and consider others.
Consider others' thoughts, feelings, motivations, and intentions. The shift to this type of focus requires us to engage three types of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate.
Cognitive empathy is sometimes called perspective-taking, which refers to our ability to identify and understand other people's emotions and thoughts.
Emotional empathy refers to the ability to express an appropriate emotional response to another person's experiences so that the other person feels supported and accepted.
Compassionate empathy goes beyond understanding what others might be thinking or feeling. It moves us to act or make decisions with consideration for others.
Avoid judgment. Putting others first requires us to accept people as they are and not judge others' thoughts, feelings, and motivations. To be non-judgmental requires us to have the ability to be aware of more than one perspective to a situation, not just our own. In other words, we must accept the assumption that other people's needs and motivations are as equally valid as our own, even if we disagree with them.
Decide. As you consider your options, being socially mindful means that you think how your actions may or may not limit the other person's choices. Just as in the cookie example, there are many daily situations where our behavior limits other people's options.
We all like to have autonomy in our decisions and actions. However, taking a moment to consider how what we do and say impacts others can make a big difference in others’ lives and even our overall level of happiness.