Even before the pandemic, loneliness was a public health issue because it’s linked to increased risk of death and disease (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, & Medicine, 2020). In fact, loneliness is associated with numerous physical and mental consequences, such as elevated systolic blood pressure and increased risk for heart disease (Hwang et al., 2020). And while 43% of adults over 60 experience loneliness at least “some of the time”, being lonely is not just confined to old age (Perissinotto et al., 2012). The concept of loneliness is complex and has many different causes, and its symptoms vary among people (Lim et al., 2020).
Social isolation is one factor that increases loneliness in many people. However, studies show that loneliness is often elevated even when people are no longer under shelter-in-place restrictions (Kilgore et al., 2020). This feeling may happen because the "new normal" isn't normal at all (Kilgore et al., 2020).
Even as things start to open up, typical social interactions may still not be as they were before. We are likely to be asked to maintain social-distancing rules, avoid gathering in groups, and refrain from handshakes and hugs. We are also likely to be wearing masks for some time to come. Wearing masks adds to our feelings of isolation and loneliness. Our mask hides subtle expressions of emotion, intensifying the feeling of being disconnected from others.
There is no denying that staying at home can contribute to feelings of loneliness. But it’s important to realize that loneliness can happen as a result of re-entering a world changed by the rules of safety. The American Psychological Association has noted the importance of social support even as we return to a more normal environment.
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TIPS TO HELP
Here are some thoughts to consider as we move toward a new normal:
Acknowledge that things will never be as they were before. We tend to gauge new events and experiences against the memory of previous ones. This tendency is likely to be magnified as we transition to whatever is to be our new normal.
Understand the impact of smaller social circles. In the past year, we have had to change the way we socialize with others. In many cases, we substantially reduced the number of people in our social circle. Confined to socializing with our household and close friends and family, we may find that we no longer have a common interest with our former social circle.
Expect relationships to evolve. As we emerge into our new normal, we may find that our interests and social circle do not align. We may find that we are not as close to some people as before the pandemic or that our relationships are different.
Be open to developing new relationships. We will forever be changed by our experiences this past year. We have unique interests and perhaps have gained insights about what is important to us. We may find that we are looking for different things in our relationships. This may mean developing relationships with people we would not have considered pre-pandemic.
Leverage new ways of cultivating relationships. During the pandemic, we learned how to leverage technology for things we would have never considered before, such as virtual book clubs and virtual cocktail hours. While virtual relationships are not the same as in-person ones, they are far better than nothing at all. Why not incorporate these virtual ways of cultivating relationships into our new normal along with in-person socializing?
Re-entry into our new environment may be a little unsettling. After all, we have gotten used to being restricted in how we relate to others. Furthermore, we may have an idealistic view about how things were pre-pandemic, which may magnify our feelings of dissatisfaction with the way things are going forward.
Perhaps, the best way to avoid disappointment with our new normal is to live moment to moment with an attitude of curiosity and acceptance. I realize that this is easier said than done. Give this a try the next time you compare today to a pre-pandemic situation. Ask yourself, "How can I look at this situation differently?”, "What is special and unique about today?", and "What can I do to make this situation more enjoyable for me and others around me?". I encourage you to try this approach whenever you feel uncomfortable, frustrated, or disappointed with our new normal.
Remember, you don't have to be perfect. Each time you bring awareness to your disappointment, you build a skill that will allow you to experience the world in a different, less disappointing way.
References
Hwang, T. J., Rabheru, K., Peisah, C., Reichman, W., & Ikeda, M. (2020). Loneliness and social isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic. International Psychogeriatrics, 32(10), 1217-1220.
Killgore, W. D., Cloonan, S. A., Taylor, E. C., Miller, M. A., & Dailey, N. S. (2020). Three months of loneliness during the COVID-19 lockdown. Psychiatry Research, 293, 113392.
Lim, M.H., Eres, R., Vasan, S., 2020. Understanding loneliness in the twenty-first century: an update on correlates, risk factors, and potential solutions. Soc. Psychiatry Psychiatr. Epidemiol. 55 (7), 793–810.
National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. (2020). Social isolation and loneliness in older adults Opportunities for the health care system. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press.
Perissinotto, C. M., Stijacic Cenzer, I., & Covinsky, K. E. (2012). Loneliness in older persons: A predictor of functional decline and death. Archives of Internal Medicine, 172, 1078–1083. http://dx.doi.org/10