Have you noticed that you call fewer people and that you rarely get a phone call these days, except for those pesky spam calls? Thanks to technology, we can go days, weeks, or even months without speaking to anyone on the phone. It’s no wonder that texting and emails have overtaken the phone call. We don’t have to worry about calling at an inconvenient time, no telephone tag, and we can communicate efficiently and quickly. Another advantage is that an email or text gives us time to consider what we want to say or how we respond. We can hide our feelings behind brief messages and emojis.
However, for many of us, the avoidance of phone calls reflects a feeling of anxiety that goes beyond simply convenience and efficiency. Many people say that avoiding phone calls prevents them from being subject to rejection or disapproval or feeling the pressure that comes from being limited to just the sounds of our voice for communicating (Reid and Reid, 2007). These feelings of discomfort are understandable. After all, we don’t have the additional information from other social cues such as gestures, body language, and eye contact. Furthermore, even brief pauses in phone calls can feel awkward. Plus, we have become accustomed to reviewing emails, texts, and social media before hitting the send button. By comparison a phone conversation feels risky and impulsive.
If you feel like you have started to delay or avoid making calls, are feeling extremely nervous or anxious before, during, and after a call, or perhaps obsessing or worrying about what you’ll say, you aren’t alone. A 2019 survey of UK office workers found 76% of millennials and 40% of baby boomers have anxious thoughts when their phone rings. That survey also found that 61% of millennials would avoid calls vs. 42% of baby boomers. This may sound natural and acceptable in today’s environment. But consider this, not feeling comfortable engaging in a live conversation may limit you in many ways. For example:
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Resolving a complex problem often requires a more detailed and descriptive conversation than what we can have over the phone.
Maintaining and developing deep personal bonds requires a two-way dialogue that is responsive, spontaneous, and genuine. It is difficult to explore how someone is really feeling or what might be troubling another person via email or text.
Your career may be limited if you are not comfortable communicating effectively over the phone, either with colleagues or customers. Just like with personal relationships, business relations work best on a firm foundation of trust and mutual understanding. This requires personal and respectful communication that goes beyond the efficient and brief communications often found in electronic messages.
TIPS TO HELP
The good news is that there are things you can do to overcome your phone anxiety and reverse your dislike of phone calls. Here are few things you can try:
One of the best ways to overcome phone anxiety is to expose yourself to more phone calls. The more you do, the less uncomfortable they will become. So, when the phone rings, answer it. Resist the urge to let the call go to voice mail.
Make a list of people you need to speak with, such as friends and colleagues, then consider these steps:
Go through each person to reflect on what makes you anxious about that call. Perhaps you are concerned about interrupting their day or leaving a voice message that requires playing telephone tag. Or it could be that you are worried about making mistakes or being judged.
Once you understand the source of your anxiety, take a moment and reflect on where those feelings come from. Perhaps the source is a call that didn’t go well or feeling self-conscious about how you are perceived. Then consider how this situation is different. How are you different? And how what occurred previously may not reflect how today’s call will go.
Then focus your attention on the other person vs. yourself. Consider what you can do to help them feel more comfortable talking with you. Perhaps they are anxious about speaking on the phone also. With the other person’s interests at the center of your attention, how can you engage them and make it a more comfortable call? Perhaps it is a genuine interest in what is going on in their lives and what’s important to them. The key here is not to engage in idle, useless small talk but a meaningful conversation that puts the other person at ease. If the other person is at ease, you will likely feel the same way.
While it may not seem important right now to be comfortable with live phone conversations and that your electronic communications seem to be working just fine, keep in mind that the longer you go without addressing the issue, the harder it will be to pick up the phone when you really need to. Some things cannot be accomplished through texting or email alone.
REFERENCES
Phone Anxiety Affects Over Half of UK Office Workerhttps://ffb.co.uk/blog/630-phone-anxiety-affects-over-half-of-uk-office-workers
Reid, D. J., & Reid, F. J. (2007). Text or talk? Social anxiety, loneliness, and divergent preferences for cell phone use. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 10(3), 424-435.