If you are like most people, you may be having moments right now where you need a little boost. You might be feeling a little down and are not sure if you can handle all of the change. Sometimes all we need is someone to remind us that “we’ve got this”. When there isn’t someone there to do this for you, why not consider being your own best friend and cheerleader?
Another term for giving yourself a “pep talk” is a concept called self-affirmation. A self-affirmation is a positive statement of how we envision our best self or some aspect of what we desire in our life. And there is significant evidence that self-affirmations can help us overcome the effects of stress, powerlessness, and feelings of doubt about our ability to handle a challenging situation.
The self-affirming process begins with bringing to mind our best qualities — where we see ourselves as competent, capable, and strong. When we do this, we reassure ourselves that we can and will overcome whatever adversity we’re experiencing. Research shows that when we focus on developing self-affirmations based on things that are meaningful to us and reflect our current challenge, we’re more likely to experience the benefits of this activity (Harris et al., 2019).
The following is an example of an exercise that you might use to help you develop your personalized self-affirmation. For this exercise, you might find it helpful to write down your thoughts so I’d encourage you to keep a pen and paper nearby.
Start by finding a comfortable, seated position with your eyes closed or your gaze focused downward.
Begin by connecting your body and mind by taking 2-3 slow and even breaths.
Next, consider aspects of your life that are truly important to you. It may be related to your family, friends, your goals, your values, or your dreams. As you bring these aspects into your awareness, notice how you feel.
Now recall a situation where you faced a difficult challenge and you were able to successfully overcome this challenge.
Take a moment to see if you can recall how that felt when you emerged triumphantly.
Moving from that feeling of accomplishment, joy, or pride, bring to mind a situation that is currently challenging you. Picture yourself emerging from that situation with the same feeling of accomplishment as the previous challenge.
Take a moment to consider how you can transform this feeling of confidence into words, into a self-affirmation.
Try to make your affirmation short, between 3- 6 words, and begin with the words “I am…”. Be open to trying a few different phrases to see what feels right to you. You may even have more than one that seems right.
Once you have your affirmation, say it out loud. This may feel awkward at first. We’re not used to saying positive things to ourselves. Unfortunately, we are much more comfortable saying negative things.
Now, it’s time to practice further. Here’s how:
Begin with your eyes closed or your glaze slightly downward.
Take a few breaths and once you’re relaxed and connected to the present, begin by silently saying “I am” on your inhale.
And on your exhale, complete the remaining part of your affirmation. For example, if your affirmation is “I am capable,” the exhale would finish with the word “capable.”
Stay with this pattern of saying “I am” on the inhale, and “capable” on the exhale for a few rounds to allow the message to sink into your awareness.
When you have completed this process, gently open your eyes and bring your awareness back into the room.
At the end of this exercise, you may have one or more affirmations that you would like to try out. To get started, you might want to begin by identifying a time of day that will allow you to get the most from repeating your affirmation. It could be morning, evening, or before you begin any activity that is important to you. Some people also find that keeping a written copy of their affirmation in a visible location, such as on your desk, computer, or on your mirror, will help remind you.
During this challenging time, I’ve found that I use my favorite affirmations more than ever. It might feel awkward at first, but don’t give up. I think you’ll be amazed at how you can change your mindset and boost your mood by doing this simple exercise.
Reference
Harris, P. R., Griffin, D. W., Napper, L. E., Bond, R., Schüz, B., Stride, C., & Brearley, I. (2019). Individual differences in self-affirmation: Distinguishing self-affirmation from positive self-regard. Self and Identity, 18(6), 589-630.