To answer where stress comes from, you need to remember that the causes and experiences of stress and anxiety are uniquely yours. What causes you stress and anxiety might create energy and excitement in another. For example, someone who does public speaking may be energized by being in front of a group of people. Compare this to an ER doctor who constantly faces life and death situations yet may be unnerved by the thought of speaking at a conference.
Following this thinking, new research indicates that it is not enough to consider how much or what type of stress we experience (Rudland et al., 2020). It suggests it is more about how we perceive and respond to it. Whether we interpret stress as good or bad is influenced by many factors, such as:
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Importance. When we face a potentially stressful situation, we first assess its significance. This can be either conscious or unconscious and isn't always a rational assessment. For example, if we are tired, anxious, or already at a high-stress level, we may attach higher importance to the stressor than we ordinarily would. For example, misplacing our keys may be a minor irritant on most days, but when we are already late for an appointment, this may move us into a higher level of stress.
Ability to cope. As soon as a stressor enters our awareness, we evaluate whether we can deal or cope with it. We may draw from our previous experience or the circumstances associated with the stressor. For example, if we encounter a problem with Zoom that we have seen before, we immediately downgrade our stress level.
Complexity or unusual nature of the situation. Our response may be influenced by whether the environment is quiet or chaotic, involves other people, or if there are a lot of moving parts. For example, assembling a piece of furniture with only a few steps may seem doable. But it may be very distressing if the instructions include twenty actions using multiple tools to complete it.
No matter where our stress comes from, learning to move our attention to the present can give us control over our response. And with a regular mindfulness practice, you may notice that events that would have increased your stress in the past no longer seem to be such a big deal. The bonus is that when we spend more time in the present, we find that we are more relaxed and enjoy life more… and therefore, can reduce our stress.
References
Rudland, J. R., Golding, C., & Wilkinson, T. J. (2020). The stress paradox: how stress can be good for learning. Medical Education, 54(1), 40-45.