Dealing with today's enormous challenges may have led us to act out in ways that are not characteristic of our behavior, especially our behavior toward others. For example, we may find that we are a little more impatient, irritable, and intolerant of others, which is understandable with all that we are dealing with. However, allowing ourselves to go down this path is not good for our mental or physical health. It is certainly not good for our relationships.
A powerful antidote for these feelings is injecting kindness into our thoughts and deeds. The fact is that it feels good to be kind to someone. That's because kindness releases a hormone known as oxytocin, which produces a nitric oxide chemical, which dilates the blood vessels and reduces blood pressure (Kok et al., 2013). The bottom line is that practicing kindness benefits our hearts, reduces anxiety, lowers blood pressure, and helps us be happier.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
In the past, we may have been active in many different types of volunteer efforts, which allowed us to inject kindness and good into the world. But today, we may not be able to participate in the same way as before. Even with limitations on our interactions, we may have the opportunity to benefit from acts of kindness.
A recent study found that random acts of kindness are more strongly associated with overall well-being compared to formal acts, such as volunteering in the community. The researchers speculated that the difference between formal and informal kindness may relate to the fact that informal kindness is more spontaneous, varied, and is less likely to become routine. This is not to say that volunteering isn’t beneficial to the giver and to society at large. The point here is that if you don't have the ability to formally volunteer, you can still enjoy the well-being benefits by performing small acts of kindness in your day.
Kindness can be expressed in many small, everyday ways. It may involve calling someone just to check-in, allowing someone to go ahead of you in line, doing chores for someone, running an errand for a friend, or signaling another driver to go ahead of you in traffic. It is not about being "nice" in some sentimental or superficial way. True kindness comes from genuine care and concern. It carries no expectation of receiving anything in return.
Here are a few ideas to get you started — and they won't cost you time or money to spread a little kindness. Plus, you can practice kindness virtually and while being socially distanced.
Be intentionally kind. Throughout the day, intentionally bring kindness into your actions, your speech, and your thoughts. Either silently or verbally wishing for others' well-being has been shown to improve your ability to feel empathy, increase your social connectedness, and improve your ratio of positive to negative emotions.
Run mini-movies in your head. Encourage themes of kindness in your mind by running mini-movies of times when others were kind to you or when you showed kindness toward others. This simple process will help wire your brain for kindness and calmness.
Assume innocence. Assume no ill-will in others' intentions and bring a sense of kindness to your interpretation of other people's actions.
Start with YOU! Be kind to the parts of you that are hesitant or afraid. Be kind to aspects of yourself that you wish were different, whether these parts have to do with the way you look, the things you want, or the emotions you feel. Be kind to what is human in you in the same way you practice kindness towards others' humanity.
Each act of kindness tends to lead others to acts of kindness, thus creating an incredible upward spiral of positive emotions. Research shows that your individual acts of kindness will spread three degrees of separation, from person to person to person to person (Fowler & Christakis, 2010). Why not give it a try? Below is a practice that might help you get started.
References
Fowler, James H; Christakis, Nicholas A. Cooperative behavior cascades in human social networks”. PNAS Vol 107 No 12. 2010.
Hui, B. P. H., Ng, J. C. K., Berzaghi, E., Cunningham-Amos, L. A., & Kogan, A. (2020). Rewards of kindness? A meta-analysis of the link between prosociality and well-being. Psychological Bulletin. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000298
Kok, Bethany E, Coffey, Kimberly A, Cohn, Michael A., Catalino, Lahnna I., Vacharkulksemsuk, Tanya, Algoe, Sara B., Brantley, Mary and Fredrickson, Barbara (2013). How Positive Emotions Build Physical Health: Perceived Positive Social Connections Account for the Upward Spiral Between Positive Emotions and Vagal Tone” Psychological Science, 24(7), 1123–1132.